Johnny and Squee meet Invader ZIM
by liptakular
Summary: Johnny and Squee find that odd things are afoot when they're new next door neighbor has a spaceship and an insane robot. Guess Who? I've finally, after like 6 years, updated and finished this story.
1. Squee encounters Johnny

OK, the usual disclaimer, I do not own Johnny The Homicidal Maniac, nor do I own Squee, nor Invader ZIM and Gir. yada yada yada. If you like, I can write others, as I am a very big Vasquez fan. This is a crossover.  
  
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As usual, the screams coming from the scary neighbor man's house kept young Squee up most of the night, but he did not care as much anymore. He was more afraid of going to sleep after watching "A Nightmare On Elm Street." Squee's Dreams usually were odd, sick, twisted, and demented to say the very least, but now he just downright feared for his life. He went downstairs to get a glass of milk, and brought his beloved teddy bear, Shmee.  
  
"Mommy, can I have a glass of milk?" he said to the lifeless form on the couch.  
  
"NNNUUNNGGGHHH! Who are you, get out of my living room!"  
  
"Mommy, it's your son, Todd. Shmee and I need a glass o-" he was cut off by the sounds of horrible doom retching. So, he decided to ask his father.  
  
"No, Shmee, mommy isn't going to die. Daddy says that's just her way of coping with stress. Now why is that a bad thing? They do love me, Shmee, I know they do. No, Shmee, disemboweling them will not get you a glass of milk. Ha ha, you and your crazy jokes."  
  
He went into the study where his father dwelled, but could see that his daddy was busy writing. Still, he needed a glass of milk, and could not reach up to the top of the fridge unless he had the chair, and the chair, as Shmee has told him several times, hates him.  
  
"Daddy, can you get me a glass of milk?"  
  
"Not now son. I'm wallowing in my own self pity. Go ask your mother."  
  
"But, daddy, she's coping."  
  
"You ruined my life." And with that, he drank a shot of Vodka and passed out at the computer.  
  
"Well, I guess I'll have to use the chair. What? Well, maybe this time the chair won't fall over and try to kill me, Shmee." He pulled the rickety chair of death into position, and proceeded to scale it. At the summit, Shmee started to slip, and began falling. Squee caught him, but in turn started to plummet, until...  
  
BONK!  
  
But, it was not a bad bonk. It was an even worse bonk. Squee looked up at his criminal saviour, his next door neighbor (I rhyme!), Johnny C., also known as NNY, The Homicidal Maniac.  
  
"You better be more careful next time, Squee, you wouldn't want to fall to your untimely, gruesome, horrible, bloody, gut-wrenching death. Hi Shmee!"  
  
"I guess you're right, but all I wanted was some milk."  
  
"Milk? Well, if that's your thing." Johnny fixed him a glass of Milk, then helped himself to some orange juice. "So, having nightmares still?  
  
"I haven't been sleeping much. Too much noise."  
  
"Oh, sorry, I guess that's my fault. This girl was walking past me. She had on these nerdy type glasses and braces. I figured she was a tortured, alone misfit like myself, so I smiled. She then proceeded to mock me, so I followed the Emo to a dark alley, and brought her to my house to 'play,' and I won!"  
  
Squee shifted in his seat uncomfortably. All of a sudden, a loud rush of noise filled the room, and a glowing light emenated from next door. 


	2. Johnny and Squee go exploring next door

Johnny drew a large, blood stained knife from his jacket, and proceeded to look over his shoulder like a schizophrenic, paranoid maniac (wait, he IS a schizophrenic, paranoid maniac!) Squee dived under the table, and proceed to shiver in cold, chilly fear.  
  
"Sounds like it came from next door." said Johnny, putting away the 10 inch blade.  
  
"But you're over here." said Squee, and he hugged Shmee a little closer.  
  
"I meant the other side of your house. Hmmm, maybe we should go and investigate!" He grabbed Shmee by the hand, and proceeded to walk off towards the front door.  
  
"SQUEE!"  
  
Squee thought how odd his neighbors really are.  
  
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Johnny knocked on the door of the strange house with the creepy lawn gnomes. He saw Squee staring at them, and hiding behind him.  
  
"Don't worry, Squee, lawn gnomes only come to life on full moons." He looked up at the crisp full moon. "Uh-oh. Well, we better get outta here then." Just then, a strange camera-eye thingy came out of the door, and a voice at the other end began to speak.  
  
"What do you want, filthy pathet-, er, I mean, uh, what is it?"  
  
Johnny looked at the mysterious creepy eye thing-a-ma-bob-er. He had never seen anything so advanced, not even in his own torture chambers in the secret levels below his house.  
  
"Uh, we're your new neighbors, I guess. My name is Johnny, but you can call me NNY if you like, and this is little Squee. Squee, say hi."  
  
Squee stared at the camera, but could only produce short, rapid breathing noises.  
  
"Go away!" shouted the other voice. "I do not wish to be bothered at all!" And with that, the camera dissapeared into the door.  
  
"Well, we tried, I guess. At least people aren't killing each other in there." 


	3. Enter: The Invader!

The shadowy being paced back and forth in the, um, shadows, I guess. He was deep in thought, and it was not helping that his robot was humping the leg of his coffe table in the living room.  
  
"Stop humping the wooden foot rest thingy, you imbecilic Goof!" shouted the suspicious figure. The robot stopped at once, then started running around in circles, screaming at the top of his lungs.  
  
"GIR!"  
  
The robot stopped at the harshness of his masters voice.  
  
"Sorry, boss man!" exclaimed the insane hunk of metal known as Gir. The figure in the shadows pulled out a small box looking contraption and spoke into it like a recorder (which, I guess, makes it a recorder.)  
  
"Irkan invasion diary log number 5. My landing on the brutal planet known as Earth did not go as planned. Gir is still having complications with listening to me, and I grow oh so tired of raising my voice. GIR! Put that fern down NOW! Rrrrggghhh. We landed as planned, but the landing gear was jammed, further analysis concluded that it was stuck with a large hunk of metal, welded in front of the landing pod. I assume this was done by traitors to the Irkan cause, but I cannot be too sure... GIR! STOP HUMPING THE WOODEN FOOT REST THINGY! Ooooohhhh! Anyway, on a final note, two nosy humanoids came over last night, upon my landing. I told them to go away, but I think that the crash made them suspicious, something I see as a weakness. We must always learn to trust our own people, right? But I fear not. No one can depress the almighty power of... INVADER ZIM! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... GIR! GET OF THE CHANDELIER!" And so, the being known as ZIM stalked off to punish Gir.  
  
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It was a dark night, the kind of spooky might of , um, spooky things that Squee hated. He sat in bed with the covers pulled up to his head, and waited for the sun to rise. He heard a sudden shrieking noise, but just dismissed it as being from the scary neighbor man's house. But then a new noise, something he had never heard, filled the silent midnight air. It was the crackling of electricity, except not electricity. It sounded unique in it's own way. Squee got up to look out the window at the murder house, but saw nothing. He then remembered his new neighbor, and crossed the house to look out the other window. He saw a tiny green man with a ray gun looking thingy and another tiny man with glowing blue eyes. The latter was pulling on some metal pipes, and the green one was fusing them together. The green one stood atop the large massive ship they were working on, and proceeded to laugh a mighty laugh.  
  
"AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"  
  
Squee ran for his life. 


	4. Strange Things Are Afoot

"Please! Don't kill me! I'm too young to die! I haven't gotten to do so many things!"  
  
"Is that really such a bad thing?" asked Johnny to his latest helpless victim. "I mean really, do you want too many memories of this existence when you die? Do you really want to remember the pain and hardships of being human? Lost love? Heartache? Listening to pop music? I know I wouldn't. So don't think of this as your life ending too short. Think of it more as a way to escape the pressures and bull shit of humanity and it's weaknesses."  
  
WHACK!  
  
The abnormally large hammer fell across her face, and with that she was gone. Johnny started to hum the theme to STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION when he heard the terrified screams of his next door neighbor, whom he did indeed like, somewhat, so he decided to help. He ran next door, and instead of going inside, he stared at the other house. A giant spaceship was sitting there, and it was being lowered into a secret underground level. Johnny decided to just go home. Squee shouldn't be worried, he thought. He had already seen the aliens.  
  
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"Hmmm, nachos!" said ZIM, as he ate the gooey cheezy goodness. "Earthling food is so odd. So why do I eat it?" He looked over at Gir, who was covered head to toe in nacho sauce. "Well, look who I am eating it with." Gir got up and started bouncing up and down.  
  
"JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! WHEEEEEEEEEEE!"  
  
He flew through the air and hit a vase off of the shelf.  
  
"GIR! Stop that at once!"  
  
The robot started playing with his bouncy ball.  
  
ZIM figured this to be a good time to contact the tall ones to speak of his progress. He dialed in the intergalactic code and waited for the signal. All of a sudden, it picked up.  
  
A large convention of Irkan's was gathered. ZIM loved this, because he knew they all loved him, and they showed it to with big cheers as ZIM showed up onscreen.  
  
"Greetings, tallest. ZIM reporting in! I am currently adjusting to new life in my new Earth dwelling, now that I have lost that nasty, big-headed Dib."  
  
"Indeed, ZIM." said one of the tall ones. "And what of these new, uh, annoyances?"  
  
"No matter. The child is paranoid, traumatized, and talks to a stuffed Teddy bear." The tallest tried their hardest not to laugh. "But the other is very suspicious indeed. Strange noises coming from his house indicate that he is viciously conquering the souls of the damned!" More restrained laughter, as the tallest think this to be extremely funny. "I request more..." Gir is seen in the background throwing kleenex about the house. "I request more..." The Irkan's are all laughing their hardest. "Doh, I REQUEST A KNEW ROBOT, BECAUSE MY CURRENT ONE IS AN INSOLENT FOOL. DOOM TO YOU, MALFUNCTIONING WRETCH OF THE STAINLESS STEEL UNDERWORLD!" And with that, ZIM's image is kicked off screen.  
  
"Did you see that? That was hysterical!" And the tallest laughed hard.  
  
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"We have to be brave, Shmee. The crazy neighbor man is the only one who can help us with this scary other neighbor alien thing."  
  
Squee walked up the path to house number 777, and knocked on the door. The sound of the bell scared him. The door opened, and out stepped NNY, all covered in blood.  
  
"Oh. What are you doing here?"  
  
"The other neighbor is creepy."  
  
"Oh, you mean the alien. Yes, he is creepy, but I'm not sure there is anything we can do about it."  
  
"But we must! What if he zaps me, or steals my organs for the Dark Harvest, or shoves a probe up my..."  
  
DING!  
  
"Oh, my cookies are ready!" said Johnny. "Come in for a minute, won't you?"  
  
Squee was hesitant, but he remembered to be brave, so he entered the scary house of screaming death.  
  
He followed NNY to the kitchen, and NNY pulled out some chocolate chip cookies from the oven.  
  
"I don't have any milk, but I do have some cocoa."  
  
He gave Squee some cookies, but Squee refused the cocoa, because Johnny pulled the mug of cocoa out of the freezer (therefore, it was frozen. Duh.)  
  
When the cookies were done, Squee asked again what would be done about the alien next door.  
  
"Well, we could try to break in to see him. I do it at your house when the doors and windows are locked up, and I want to watch you."  
  
Squee gulped. 


	5. The End is High Nigh!

The alarms sounded. The gnomes showed nothing. These trespassers were sneaky sneakers, and they had infiltrated the grounds.

"Gir!" Zim was furious that such an intrusion would go unseen by his faithfully clueless servant. "See to that at once! Blast them to little tiny Carbon based pieces. AAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Gir's eyes glowed red with anticipation of doing his masters wishes. He exited the lab with ferocity.

"Good. Veeerrrryy gooooodddddd..."

Gir stepped into the hallway and forgot what he was doing.

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Johnny had always wondered. Wondered about everything. Wondered why he killed with such disregard for life, who he was before all of this started, how he is able to do things like break into houses and disintigrate vermin without legal consequence...

Squee had always kinda wondered too.

As they snuck around the house, they saw it was just as any other house.

"This reminds me of Psycho, where that guy is about to get thrown down the stairs."

Squee Shuddred. "I'm scared! Shmee says we need to go downstairs."

"Shmee, I am getting sick and tired of you always trying to contradict me! What the fuck do you know, you're just a bear!... Fuck you!

Suddenly, two glowing blue eyes appeared at the end of the hallway.

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"Ooooh... Hi there! My name's Gir! Want some candy?!"

Suddenly, the original operating protocol kicked in:

1. Eliminate all threatening human targets during research.

2. Eliminate all resisiting human targets during invasion.

3. Eliminate all innocent human targets after invasion.

4. Rub master's feet nightly.

5. Cookies. Mmmm.

Gir's eyes glew red with emotionless hatred...


	6. Chapter 6

The alarm went off again. Hoses and pipes and various pointy things perpetrated the air, and carried Zim off to another, secret section of the house.

"Beautiful! I love nothing more than to CRUSH opposing fools! "

Suddenly, the power went out.

"Doooh! This damned shoddy craft of mine! Work or I shall wrench you apart into a playset!"

Startup sequence initiated

"Nyessss.... "

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"You're not supposed to be here! You must be destroyed!"

Gir eyes turned blue at the site of the cute teddy bear being clutched by the human child's little pink digits.

"Awwww! How cute! Cute cute cute cute cute! Ah cutey-doot! Acutey Doot!"

Gir started dancing and singing.

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Squee wasn't sure why the robot started to dance and sing. Perhaps he was schizophrenic like the scary neighbor man. Looking around, he saw Nny continue down a different hallway. Squee ran after.

A low rumbling sounded. The scary neighbor man turned around.

"Was that you?"

"No..."

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Johnny wasn't worried. Nothing bad ever happened to him. Right?

That's what he thought until the giant mechanized suit with the tiny alien inside came popping up out of the floorboards.

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AAAAAHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Zim's Ultra Death Suit Of Derrier Spanking Power was a huge success.

"This will teach those disgusting skinned wretches to come upon my property line!"

"That's what you think!"

A giant mechanized foot comes crashing into Zim's suit out of nowhere. Zim didn't even have to turn around.

"Dib."

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Dib had sworn to rid the world of Zim, the alien menace that threatened mankind's very existance. Upon hearing of Zim's plot to enslave mankind with toaster oven radiation, he had to make a robotic suit out of plans he stole from Zim's lab.

This epic battle is the culmination of years of hard work, sacrifice, and not getting girls for Dib. This was the last battle where he would prove Zim is an alien.

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Neither Squee nor Johnny felt like sticking around, and thus promptly left.

That night at home, Johnny went underground and threw dynamite at a skinhead. He heard nothing.

But Squee heard the entire battle as he lay awake at night, if only to avoid the horrendous nightmares he would have after this.

As he finally was able to drift off to sleep, once the battle had died down, he heard laughter sound off in the distance.

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Zim stood atop his roof, triumphant that he has one upped his rival Dib once again. His suit may lay in shambles, and Mrs. Greenluick will never be the same again, but now was the time to boast triumphant Irkan laughter.

"AAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

-The end-


End file.
